Training – Personal

PNDC for Couples

In long-term relationships, it can be a struggle to maintain the kind of intimacy that often draws people together in the beginning. Independence is often lost as well, for one or both parties. PNDC concepts and skills sets can empower couples to understand exactly how traditional communication methods can damage a couples ability to balance intimacy and independence in a relationship. Learning how to maintain openness and vulnerability even during hard times when trust may be damaged, as well as how to set clear boundaries when needed can enhance the potential for creating relationships that thrive.

I’ve been having the same problems with my boyfriend for as long as I can remember, and I haven’t been able to understand his behavior no matter how hard I’ve tried. For years I’ve been extremely hurt when he shuts down, disengages, or simply leaves the room when I try to discuss any problem with him . . . your scenarios and phrases described our situations exactly I finally had what I needed for years: to understand that his behavior was not because he didn’t care about my feelings and that there was a reason behind my feelings of abandonment. I was overwhelmed with the immensity of what this newfound understanding meant to me. Even therapy couldn’t do this for us. We now have answers to what’s wrong and what we can both do about it. I am without words to sufficiently express my gratitude and the magnitude of the impact for us as a couple.  — Juliana

PNDC for Parents & Families

As parents, the love and responsibility we feel can make us afraid about how to make the best decisions for our children—and how much to expect of them. Many parents currently are making a huge effort to communicate effectively and create a family life where children and teens are motivated to be cooperative, rather than coerced. Sadly, too often, parents try to get cooperation without setting clear boundaries. Then when they don’t get the response they want, they give up and/or express frustration with the child, sometimes indirectly, other times directly, with periodic anger, blame and/or orders.

Using PNDC skills, parents can provide the kind of firm, gentle limits children and teens need to feel secure, with the freedom they need to grow as individuals. This balance can help our children become more competence and reciprocal. With this kind of balance, a family can face difficulties together and also live in an environment that inspires spontaneity and joy.

Client List for Organizations that Serve Families, for Example:  Parents’ Coalition of Bay Area High Schools  — Head Start — Montessori Schools — California Statewide Community College Student Leadership Conference — Matrix Parent Network and Information Center, Regional Conference, San Francisco, CA — The Child Center, Eugene, OR, Offering psychiatric & therapeutic, and programs — San Mateo School District, Special Education Faculty —Merced Foster Care Program, CA —Therapists in Educational Settings, Oregon Statewide Conference

The Powerful Non-Defensive Communication Parenting Class that my husband and I attended really saved our family. The eye-rolling, “dissing,” blaming, general negativity, and confrontational style that was all pervasive before the weekend, has been replaced with tools for creating honest, open communication.  Even my husband, a combat veteran who was trained by the military to be reactive, was able to shift into a non-defensive style—something he had been trying to do, but was unable to accomplish for 30 years. Although our two teenagers did not attend your class, they have reaped immediate benefits—something years of family and individual therapy has not been able to accomplish. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you for dedicating your life to this work, which has the power to make this world a much better place. 

—Jan Fishler, Tin Cat Media — Producers of Educational DVDs