In this groundbreaking book, Sharon Ellison takes us to the root of our communication problems, showing us how defensiveness functions in our lives and can lead to hurtful power struggles. Using her Powerful Non-Defensive Communication process, you can express yourself with a compelling blend of vulnerability and honesty. “Taking the War Out of Our Words” provides us with vital tools for healing conflict, enhancing self-esteem, becoming more open and spontaneous, strengthening relationships, transforming organizations, and guiding the way toward peace in our global community.
- Audiobook Download, $33
Paperback Book, $21
eBook, $11
Praise for Book
This is a masterful and elegant work. This work is a map. It gives me new direction, and I hope that my life in this world can become more worthwhile, and human.
—Phil Willcher
A Marriage Crisis —Mena and Todd
In my training as a Marriage and Family Therapist, I believe this is the most powerful structure I’ve learned. It has tremendous implications for most human interactions. —Bette Acuff, Ph.D., M.A.
I have been able to test this method with the most difficult person in my life. To my absolute amazement I was able to diffuse the anger and aggression in an instant. —Tifanie Hayden
We need Sharon Ellison’s work in our homes, in our offices, and most of all, in our hearts.” —Evelyn C. White
A message that should be spread across the nation. So simple, I don’t know why no one has discovered it before. —Rob Merlo, engineer
Using rich stories from her book, Taking the War Out of Our Words, Sharon Strand Ellison shows how and why we get defensive so easily, giving us the tools we need to protect ourselves without getting defensive and to achieve our goals without engaging in power struggle.
You will learn practical skills to:
• Ask disarming questions that get to the heart of an issue quickly
• Give honest feedback without being judgmental
• Express your own ideas, feelings and beliefs with clarity
• Create boundaries that enhance respect and reciprocity
- Audio Download, $18
- Audio CD, $19
Praise for CD
Your CD has saved my relationship with my husband and dramatically improved my relationship with my son.
I am able to listen calmly when under attack and not feel threatened . . . I have never heard anyone teach this way of communicating.
The Tire Story, Part 2 — Quantum Leaps for Both of Us
The Physiology of Defensiveness —Research by Dr. Joseph Le Deux
Cultural Competence — A Mandatory Workplace Training: Michael’s Story
We often recommend that people listen to the single CD before reading the book. It is a short, thorough 80-minute overview of the book to get good snapshot of the process. Second, you can hear me model the voice tone for the communication process; for example, I teach how to dramatically alter our questions simply by coming down in tone instead of up at the end. Finally, Also, the section on the physiology of defensiveness is not in the book. Hearing the CD first can make the reading of the book richer.
These 4 CD’s cover how parents can use authority wisely, set firm, nurturing limits, & have great talks with children and teens, all illustrated with real conversations.
- Audio Download, $26
- Audio CD, $62
Praise for CD’s
Much to my surprise and delight not only was it for younger children, it was applicable to my teenager, my husband and anyone else!
…gives us a way out of power struggles with our children and provides the skills we need to have a healthier, more struggle-free life with them.
Teenager Complains about the Bike Dad Bought Him —Tighe and Frankie
Homework Process & a Child’s Self-Esteem —Lisa & Denise
Third Grader Protects Herself with Brother Who Hits Her —Melissa
5-Year-Old Child Sets Limit with Parent —Sam & Ami
Most of the examples involve children up to age 11 or 12. However, even with teens, collage-age students, and adult children, the principles are the same and the specific changes in the parent-child relationship always start with the same kinds of limits on attitude and behavior, such as, “If you speak to me rudely, I’m not willing to continue the conversation right now.” The examples cover how to set limits on core values and attitudes such as respect, appreciation, honesty, and self-esteem, as well as dealing with specific issues and behaviors such as chores, homework, sibling conflict, bullying, and so on.